In Buddhist practice, the universal solvent is the "glue" is not-self—not the concept of not-self, but the actual insight that is itself not-self. In meditation, this insight arises of its own accord when we become truly quiet and sense the transience and unsatisfactory nature of those things we self-identify with. To sense this is to see what the Buddha called the "emptiness" of fabricated, conditional things. This insight into "emptiness" doesn't leave a vacuum, nor is it nihilism, because we also sense "that" which is free and limitless and just is—the deathless, and we are not (and never have been) apart from "that."
So, slowly, through self-inquiry, meditation, and insight—and yes, a whole lot of loving-kindness and compassion—we learn not to grab. And if we do grab—and we all do—that's just our practice too. Don't try to end grabbiness—that goal can be just another thing to grab onto! Rather, just look into the grabbiness itself with curiosity and interest.
Don't want or expect anything for the inquiry, except to know what some particular grabbiness is about. With insight into why we are grasping and grabbing, our growing wisdom and awakened heart help us to let go of those causes of grabbing, and thus, the root causes of suffering.
Steven Goodheart Essay
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